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Connection FAIL: DC Police are Robots

March 11, 2011

The police force of DC are robots.  You heard me.  No, I don’t mean literal robots, with wires and death buttons and a C3PO voice (what kind of robot were you thinking of?), but robots nonetheless.  Robots of the soul, if you will.Don’t believe me?  Fine, here’s the proof:

I need to my car’s license plates switched over to DC.  This process, is, let me tell you, long and complex, and takes multiple visits to charming locals like the DMV, the social security office, a testing station, and my landlady’s house.  You bring about ten different documents demonstrating that you live in DC, are a US citizen, aren’t a criminal, can see, have a car, have DC insurance, can drive, and truly want to get your license plate (as evidenced by the amount of time you wait).  I can only get to the next step in this process done on Saturdays (here’s hoping the third times the charm!), due to my work schedule.

If you don’t have DC plates, the police can ticket your vehicle on ROSA charges.  This is undesirable. And there is no way for me to change my license plates before next Saturday.  My car is a sitting duck.

I know this, so I devise a clever plan.  Police officers are people too, I realize, my heart lightening.  I will write them a note, explaining my situation to them, and put it behind the windshield of my car!  That way we can connect person to person, and I can tell them that I have been trying to follow the law, and they shouldn’t ticket my car needlessly!  I heave a contented sigh, as I imagine the police officer’s happy face as she realizes that I see her as a human being and not as an uniform.  I write the note, and stick it in my car.  I go to sleep, a smile on my lips.

3:42am.  Enter the police officer.

3:45am.  Exit the police officer.

I go outside the next morning, and low and behold, a ticket is there on my windshield.  Right next to the note.  Unread?  Possibly.  But more likely read and ignored.

QED.  DC police officers are robots.

It’s almost enough to turn one against the idea of local government.

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PS: I know I usually write about the goodness of humanity; but hey, this is “just how it happened.”  Don’t worry, usual programming about how the world is a sparkly, wonderful place shall continue next post.
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